I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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