Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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