i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
