Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
