Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
