Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
