her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
