My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
