i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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