I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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