I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yo dont text me then not text me
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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