I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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