Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.