Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize