Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
