I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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