I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
