just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
