You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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