i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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