My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
