You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize