I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
