I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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