we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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