tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...