its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
