home. puking in laundry basket.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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