Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
