Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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