At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The struggles of a small town man whore
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
