I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
