She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
