Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
