Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
