A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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