so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
