Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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