: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
