She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
