Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
