Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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