Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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