dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
