i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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