meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
this will be a night to untag.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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