All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
