Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
