he puts the penis in happiness.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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