what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
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I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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