PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
