D3 body, D1 cock
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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