I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We left the knife in your bed.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
