Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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