So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
