Actions speak louder than pants.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
