Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
