Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
