apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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