you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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