girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
