dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
