you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
