Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
