I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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