Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
